I was nervous, my heart pounding as I waited in the alcove for my music to start, and when it did I stepped onto the stage and into the light and I danced. It didn’t go quite as I had practiced. Being nervous made me clumsy, and the stage felt smaller than it looked. I got distracted when my earring fell off, and I forgot a step. I improvised until I found my place again. I hoped my mouth wasn’t doing the trembly frowny thing it does when I feel nervous and try to hide it. I’m not very good at hiding my feelings. Continue reading “Receive compliments with grace.”
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Notes from the After Life.
Before. The rhythm of my week began with a heavy Monday and marched along beige-grey cubicles to Friday afternoon, before releasing me into the weekend. There were things on the side, like color, laughter, yoga, writing, teaching, and being outdoors. For a while there was also a man, and talk of how things would be in the future. Together.
After. There was learning to be single again. There was my final Continue reading “Notes from the After Life.”
Allow desire.
Desire is one of your most powerful experiences. There is a heat. You feel it slow burning beneath the surface, or sometimes it overwhelms and threatens to engulf you in flames.
It can be scary. It can show up with friends you don’t want to see. Fear. Anxiety. Vulnerability. Disappointment. Longing. Helplessness.
It can feel exhilarating, and out of control. It carries an edge of danger. Playing with fire, they say. Be careful what you wish for, they say. Continue reading “Allow desire.”
I’m rooting for you.
You’re on a journey, and you will forget this. Sometimes you will feel disconnected, left behind, abandoned, lost, or unwanted. None of it is true. I want you to remember that there are more people than you know who are holding you with love in their thoughts and heart.
I’m one of them. Continue reading “I’m rooting for you.”
Your attention is valuable.
Your attention might be your most valuable resource. Everybody wants it. Companies pay so much money trying to get it. They create banner ads, commercials, and hand out free samples in the street. People with clip-boards talk to you on the sidewalk, wanting you to sign for a good cause. Flyers for the nearby restaurant are slipped under the gate.
Everybody wants your attention.
Your friends and family. Your lover. Continue reading “Your attention is valuable.”
Everyone is a different version of you.
A man I didn’t know spoke to me as I waited to cross the street. “Great class, wasn’t it?” I looked to my left and he was looking ahead, and the light changed, and we began to walk together. We talked about yoga, which we had in common. I mentioned a recent break-up that had left me reeling. He said he understood. He’d had a similar experience last winter. I told him I was going to Bali in the fall. He stopped and pulled a Lonely Travel guide to Bali out of his backpack. He was going to Bali in 10 days. I started laughing. “It’s like you’re a different version of me!”
Kindred spirits. You know when you meet them. There’s a certain click Continue reading “Everyone is a different version of you.”
Life wants to live through you.
Write what wants to be written. When the words are knocking at the door, let them in and write them down. There is a story that wants to be told, and it’s whispering to you, so you are the one to release it onto the page, to free it from its formlessness. You don’t have to show anyone if you don’t want to. The value is in writing the words. Moreover, the act of writing changes the writer, and it may be that impulse that is seeking you out. Continue reading “Life wants to live through you.”
Finding your way.
I teach a class called willPower & grace® and my yoga students say it’s like bootcamp, and my bootcamp students say it’s like yoga. My yoga students like the strength and cardio work. My athletes and cyclists like the flexibility and balance training. Everyone wants to be challenged right at their edge. Everyone wants to feel good, have fun, and feel more at home in their own skin. They come back because something about it Continue reading “Finding your way.”
Fieldnotes and clues.
Today I feel overwhelmed with desire, happiness, and a sense of yearning. I remember my yoga and meditation training, and I try to simply soften and open to it. I relax the muscles in my face and belly and feel my breath slow deepen. I try to feel everything: the sun on my neck, the weight and texture of my sweater, that spark and flutter and reach in my heart. Continue reading “Fieldnotes and clues.”
Practice saying the words.
I’ve started talking to myself. I go for a walk and pretend I’m on a call, bright white hands-free cord plugged into my iPhone. At first I felt tentative, but now I’m good at it.
I imagine I’m talking to a friend. Sometimes I imagine I am talking to you.
I allow all the words to come out. The tangled thoughts and circling questions, the major and minor emotional chords. Sometimes the words come out in a way that feels so unexpectedly right my breath catches with the discovery of some new insight. The pieces snap into focus. Continue reading “Practice saying the words.”
Kim Nicol 