I used to wait for other people to love me, and I didn’t even realize it but it totally stressed me out. It was like I needed an invitation to open my heart. Does he like me? Are we friends? What does she think of me? Who will be the first to say “I love you”? If I say it first and he just says “Thanks” I’ll feel so stupid and awkward. Continue reading “Go first.”
Category: happiness
Your body knows.
I was in a relationship. On the surface everything looked great, yet there was a deeper sense of something being off that would not go away. I was very rational. I laid out the pros and cons, and I stayed even though a little voice inside said No, this isn’t working. I felt deeply conflicted. There were hits of anxiety. . . a queasiness in the belly. I’d melt into tears without knowing why. I was really good at ignoring these feelings. I really, really wanted this relationship to work. I think my body knew it was over long before I could admit it to myself.
The body knows so much. It communicates with sensation, feelings, emotions. Continue reading “Your body knows.”
Before you go.
I worked on the 26th floor of a downtown highrise for over 6 years. The view was amazing. I remember how I felt after my last round of interviews, taking the elevator back down to earth thinking, “I hope I got it!” And then I did, and I was so happy. It was just what I wanted.
The company was huge and had offices around the world. Yet the San Francisco office was small enough that everyone knew nearly everyone. If you hadn’t worked directly with someone at one point or another, then you probably said Hi to them in the elevator or kitchen.
Time passed, and the company and I both changed (as people and companies do). Continue reading “Before you go.”
Feel everything.
Over the years I’ve explored a number of mindfulness practices. Each one reveals some clue or treat or tool. I’ve noticed lately that my baseline emotion has moved towards a more happy and uplifted place — a kind of internal upgrade.
Which is not to say that I don’t also experience sadness, disappointment, frustration, or jealousy. I still feel everything. I am becoming more sensitive, so am feeling more of everything. And I’m aware of my feelings in a slightly different way. They are more fluid. They move through me more easily and get stuck less often. They’re more vibrant than before. Less blinding, yet more intense. Continue reading “Feel everything.”
Entertain a new idea.
Sometimes an idea shows up and it is so ridiculous. It may slowly arise into clarity, or it might be immediately bright and too loud. You might discover it on your own, or someone you know could introduce you. But there it is, a new idea knocking on your door.
I say, open the door and receive the idea as you would a guest. Invite it in, offer to take its coat, show it to a comfortable seat while Continue reading “Entertain a new idea.”
I have no idea how this is going to end.
I was struggling with possibility. Option A was familiar, known, predictable. Option B was uncertain and risky. Inside my head a voice wrenched with frustration cried, “I want to choose Option B, but it’s risky and I don’t know how it’s going to end!”
And then there was a quieter voice that answered. It said: Well guess what? You start things all the time not knowing how they are going to end.
And I realized it was true. Continue reading “I have no idea how this is going to end.”
Emerging.
In May I attended TEDxStanford. I arrived in a police car. I had parked on campus and got lost on my way to the event. I was there pretty early and there weren’t many people around, so I was relieved to find a campus police officer. I asked him if he knew where the TEDx event was. “Sure,” he said, “I can give you a ride if you want.”
How nice!
“You’ll have to sit in the back, though.”
Smile at children.
A few years ago I was on a first date with a guy I’d met at a wedding. We were in Mill Valley, sitting in the shade in the plaza after a long hike. There was a pause in the conversation and then he asked me: “So. . . how many kids do you want?”
Big question for a first date! I asked why he had asked me that.
“Because I’ve watched you all afternoon and you smile at every kid you see.”
It’s true. And it’s on purpose. Continue reading “Smile at children.”
Ask useful questions.
I was stuck. Faced with a nagging problem that wouldn’t let me go, I went round and round asking myself: What should I do? Maybe you’ve been there, too. If you have, then you know how utterly exhausting it is to get sucked in to that endless loop of a question.
I spoke to a few close friends, I journalled, I read Hafiz and looked to some of my favorite blogs and other sources of inspiration. And finally, I realized that part of my problem was Continue reading “Ask useful questions.”
We are all time travelers.
My dad is a great storyteller, and when I was little he often read to me. He also told me stories about growing up on a farm, and going to school in a one-room school house in Illinois. He told me about being a Peace Corps volunteer, and traveling around the world. From 1968 to 1972, his assignment took him to Tunisia, Thailand, the Philippines, and Continue reading “We are all time travelers.”
Kim Nicol 