One of my favorite yoga teachers is also a well-known writer. After class one day I asked him how it came to be. I think what I said was, “So, you’re a writer and a yoga teacher. How did that happen exactly?” He smiled and said, “I made it up.”
We talked a bit more, and this is the clue I found: It’s ok to explore and not know exactly the shape of it. Be open. Do the work. See where it leads. Continue reading “Map making.”
Sometimes, as a relationship ends, there is a moment when you feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. The wind is knocked out of you and you’re simply stunned and wide-eyed. It’s before the flood of other emotions overwhelms and takes you down. It’s a bright pain, like a band-aid being ripped off, and you feel suddenly raw and exposed. And then comes the feeling of ground falling out from under your feet, of your world collapsing, and the tightness in your throat cracks and brings you to your knees and the tears come like they’re never going to stop.
Sometimes, it’s like that. Continue reading “The treasure is yours to keep.”
I’ve noticed that going someplace new, whether across town or across the world, makes me feel awake and alive. I’m alert to my new surroundings, trying to process what’s going on around me while simultaneously getting my bearings and connecting it with the map in my head that places me in the world.
For instance: I used to feel very anxious driving in San Francisco. I’d have to psych myself up for the trip, map out in advance how I would get to my destination and (deep breath) pray I’d find an easy parking spot when I got there. Crossing the Bay Bridge, my heart would start to pound and I’d turn the radio down so I could put my full attention on my surroundings and plan: remembering what exit to take, and being super alert for all the cars, cyclists, and pedestrians.
Now I live here, and it’s no big deal. Continue reading “Explore new territory.”
I was in a relationship. On the surface everything looked great, yet there was a deeper sense of something being off that would not go away. I was very rational. I laid out the pros and cons, and I stayed even though a little voice inside said No, this isn’t working. I felt deeply conflicted. There were hits of anxiety. . . a queasiness in the belly. I’d melt into tears without knowing why. I was really good at ignoring these feelings. I really, really wanted this relationship to work. I think my body knew it was over long before I could admit it to myself.
The body knows so much. It communicates with sensation, feelings, emotions. Continue reading “Your body knows.”
I worked on the 26th floor of a downtown highrise for over 6 years. The view was amazing. I remember how I felt after my last round of interviews, taking the elevator back down to earth thinking, “I hope I got it!” And then I did, and I was so happy. It was just what I wanted.
The company was huge and had offices around the world. Yet the San Francisco office was small enough that everyone knew nearly everyone. If you hadn’t worked directly with someone at one point or another, then you probably said Hi to them in the elevator or kitchen.
Time passed, and the company and I both changed (as people and companies do). Continue reading “Before you go.”
Kim Nicol 